I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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