Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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