I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
