i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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