Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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