I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
