Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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