Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
