I wannas sexs uuuuu
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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