Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
