Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
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