I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I want a musical about memes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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