either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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