I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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