I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
