not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
