We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
