I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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