A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
