the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
