Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
