Someone shit on the floor
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
