Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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