if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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