Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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