don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
