He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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