whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
