i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
