Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
