Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
