dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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