i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
should my penis look like a turkey
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
