I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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