i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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