I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
