There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
