his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
