first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
