I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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