Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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