Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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