Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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