Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
