The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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