the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
