i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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