where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
