So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
