My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
