whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
