Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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