My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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