I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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