Non-Jews are for practice
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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