just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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