i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
