so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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