He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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