alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
