am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
