OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
