I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
