YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
