and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
