jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
worst night to have a conscience
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
