I can't watch pbs sober anymore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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