we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
