I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
