its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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