The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
