I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
