trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
