dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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