you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
