I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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