i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
