If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
