My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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