You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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