If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize