it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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