in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
