i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
