we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
