So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
