They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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