I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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