This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
