Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
