I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
