The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
