My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
as a side note pls kill me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
