I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
