Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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